Monday, January 11, 2010

Playing the What If Game

Today is the Estimated Due Date for our pregnancy last May (that resulted in a miscarriage at 7 weeks in case you didn't know.) It is weird because I find myself playing the what if game. What if I didn't have a miscarriage? Would that baby be here already or would I still be pregnant? Was the baby a boy or a girl? Would we have stuck with the names we liked early on (Aiden and Mackayla?) What else would be different about our lives?

I never really talk about the miscarriage anymore except with a handful of people, simply because the subject makes people uncomfortable. I have noticed that in general, our society wants us to get over it and never mention it again. The sooner the better. It is such a taboo subject yet it happens to 1 in 5 pregnancies. It makes me sad that there are people that have gone through the same thing but never tell anyone.

The reality is usually, the Mom doesn't get over it. It changes you as a person. And yes I say Mom because I am one. The second you get that positive pregnancy test, you are a Mom. You are in love with your baby.

Mark is home today and we are spending the day together, relaxing and hanging out with Gatsby. I hope to stop playing the what if game after today is over. Not so I can move on because I don't think I ever will but so I can move forward.


Kara said...


Shea Family said...

Love you cuz! What we live through does make us stronger. Why it happens we will not know; we can only go forward and look to what comes next with no regrets. And over time the sorrow diminishes.

Mrs. Tims said...

I also feel like a different person since my mc. I hope you are able to move forward and have hope for what the future holds.

Miranda said...

Thanks ladies, I appreciate it! XO